From my 20s on, I have always looked younger than I actually am. Which is funny, since before that, I always looked older than I actually was. I remember going back to school shopping with my grandma one time when I was about 12. The salesperson asked me if I was off to college. What can I say? I got boobs at an early age.
At 30, I was finishing my Master in Teaching degree. Jared was 2 and I felt so accomplished for having completed it with a toddler. I was so excited to turn 30. It's a cliche', but it felt like it was the first day of the rest of my life. I got my first teaching job and came up with 5 year plan and a 10 year plan. I bought a house. Things were looking good for me. Then I lost my job, lost my house, and gave up on the 5 and 10 year plans.
Now here I am, rapidly approaching 40. And while I still get mistaken for being in my mid 20s, I FEEL old. And tired. I am in a constant state of motion, yet the motion seems to be pulling me back instead of moving me forward; feeling like for every step I take forward, I take two steps back. For every little success, one giant failure. And I feel like I am starting to be defined by those failures. Well...in my own mind anyway.
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